A couple of weeks ago,
Cody approached Chad (my husband) and I and asked if we would use the sermon
time on March 15 to share our stories of why we walked away from the church for
a while, and how we came back. Formulating my story was a challenge, but
it was helpful to me, and I was grateful for the chance to share it.
I grew up in a Methodist
Church. As a child, God was my friend. Later, God was my Savior and
healer, helping me to get out of all the messes I managed to get myself into
(and there were many, but that’s another story).
Some kids are into sports,
some are into video games – I was into church. It was my favorite place to be. I
enjoyed being together with others and worshiping, or just discussing God and
how His love made life beautiful.
So from the time I was
little, I wanted to be in ministry. I remember wanting to be a pastor as a
little kid, but a trusted adult once told me that girls really shouldn't be
pastors (which I totally bought back then – can you believe that?). I was also
a bit intimidated by the examples I had seen – all the pastors I had ever met
were pretty awesome people, and I wasn't sure I could meet that mark. So I
played around with other career ideas, but nothing ever fit like ministry did.
It was just where I belonged, and God has given me many beautiful and affirming
experiences over the years to assure me that I’m heading in the right direction.
I went to the University
of North Dakota (go Sioux!) and earned my degree in religion. My plan was to
continue immediately into seminary from there. UND has a really great program
and really helped me grow, but being what it is, it really took all my
preconceived notions and everything I had taken for granted to be true about
God and the Bible and tore them apart.
I quickly found out that
the Bible can be – and is – interpreted in many different ways. Of course, most people think their interpretation is the right one. As the semesters went
by, I started to wonder: if everything I had ever known wasn't as solid as I
thought it was, what exactly was the truth?
And I started to think: maybe
I don’t know exactly what this whole Christianity thing is anymore.
And maybe I don’t really
know who God is anymore.
While all of this was
going on, a good friend of mine came out of the closet to me, and to support
her, I went with her to meetings of the Ten Percent Society (which is a club on
campus for LGBTQ individuals and their allies). While there, I made a lot of
great friends. I also heard a lot of horror stories – and witnessed some myself – where a lot of Christians were just downright mean and hateful if they found
out someone wasn't straight. One girl was told there was still hope for her as
long as she repented and became straight, and one church even asked a committed
couple to sit in separate pews so as not to be “tempted” by each other.
These were not isolated
incidents in one church – the more I saw and heard, I realized this stuff was
happening all over.
I was also attending
meetings of a small campus Christian group. These were good people, and they
were often a great encouragement to me in my faith. But one particular meeting,
someone brought up the “problem” of homosexuality and its prevalence on campus,
which was followed by a “brainstorming” session as to how to solve the problem.
I couldn't believe it.
But not knowing what to
say, I was a coward, and I sat and said nothing.
And you know what? I’m
ashamed to admit this, but, I found myself hiding the fact that I was in TPS
from my Christian friends, and hiding that I was a Christian from my TPS
friends.
That was when I gave up. Between not even knowing what “the truth” was
anymore, and seeing the hurt that God’s people were causing, I threw away my
seminary applications, and called it quits.
While all this was going
on, I met and fell in love with Chad and we were married, and then we had our
precious daughter, and life just moved on. I was hurt, and didn't want a lot to
do with the church, but I started going again when our baby was a year old
because I wanted her to grow up in the church like I had.
It didn't happen
overnight, but over time, God healed me. And eventually I figured out two major
things:
1) I didn’t have to have all the answers. I will probably never have all the answers. And
questions and doubts are not bad. At the risk of sounding cliché, I realized
that faith was a journey, not a destination.
2) Churches are made of people, and people can be
mean and hurtful, because people are broken. But God is not broken. And there are loving and accepting people and
churches out there. I think the Gathering is a great example.
So, don’t shy away from
God or the Bible or faith because you don’t have all the answers. You don’t
have to understand the book of Revelation to reach out and be the love of God
to someone.
Just remember Luke 10:27 – love God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength, love your neighbor as
you love yourself.
God will take care of
the rest.
Written by Sarah Beth Green, guest blogger
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